4.28.2010

Starrphuk has udd stories to tell y'all! NSFW!!!!!

Stories that go phrom the night before I left phor Costa Rica up until last night...


Where do I begin?! Well let me go back about a month before I left on that vacation.


I was catering a ladies night in with some phriends. More of a teach and eat class amongst phormer co workers & phriends. I was on Wall St. in a FABU apartment with two girlfriends showing them how to throw together things phound in the pantry. She had some asparagus, risotto, halibut, capers, grape tomatoes, onions, chili powder, lemons, extra virgin olive oil & S&P.


Quick cooking lesson guys!! Bare with me! :)


I made Halibut Provençal style. I took some phoil, drizzled the foil with EVOO, put the phish on it, drizzled with more EVOO then S&P, cut the grape tomatoes in half, threw a phew slices of onions on it, a phew capers, a LITTLE chili powder and pholded up the phoil and did the same to the rest of the phish. I then put the asparagus to steam using a double boiler method. Take one pot and put water in it. then take a colander and put the veggies in it and put the water to boil. The steam will come up and perfectly steam your veggies as opposed to you just throwing them in the water. GROSS! DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT THROW YOUR VEGETABLES INTO THE WATER. IT NOT ONLY TAKES ALL THE NUTRITIONAL VALUE OUT OF THEM, IT MAKES THEM MUSHY AND DISGUSTING. THAT IS THE REASON MOST OF US HATED EATING VEGGIES AS KIDS. Sorry I was off on a tangent. lol I put the risotto on and all came together in a bout 10 minutes. We had some ladies come by whom were going out and asked us if we were interested in going to this lesbian bar.


Everyone LOVED the phood and was pleasantly surprised it was all so easy. So we all got ready and braved the cold night air to go shimmy and shake at The Gates. We get there and of course La Reina is the ONLY woman in the world to go to a lesbian bar and get hit on by a man in drag. I was dancing by the bar and was hitting on some chicks. Well this person comes up behind me and starts grinding on me. I was like phuk it, lets dance! It wasn't until I phelt his stubble on my neck as he was trying to kiss my neck. I was like WTF is going on here?! I am in a lesbian bar and of course only ME would get picked up by a guy. LMFAO


I was like phuk it I'll keep dancing, I mean it is only a dance right? Well I guess to him it was WAY more than that. I was drinking and he turns me around and in his best Wendy Williams voice was like "Hi baby, you are so phuking sexy, I love your body." "Can I phuk you?"


I was like hold the phuk up! He kept pheeling my boobs and running his hands all over my body and I was like whoa man! "He was like baby, I love you body!" I was like get in line. LOL When I say this dude was dressed, he had his wig, push up bra (with toilet paper), cute top, skinny jeans and booties. I was like WOW, wheretheydothatat?! HA! I was thrown  phor a loop phor sure. Ya'll know Starrphuk is one cool chica but for some reason this had me DUMBFOUNDED. Anyway, I gather my shit and make phor the phireplace and whom is behind me? Ru-Paul in all his glory. Talking about "Baby, your ass is so phuking phine, your tits are INSANE, your phace is giving me all sorts of Hollywood, I wanna eat your cooze, can I?"


Well I did the only logical thing I could do. Grab two lesbians and start making out with them. HARD! I let them sandwich me and made out with them phor a good ten minutes hoping he would get the picture. NO! He stood around trying to get in where he phit in. Which was no where. Ugh. I grabbed my girls and we hightailed it outta there.


We started to go to the Hudson hotel but some of us wanted to make it back to the apartment and "chill". ;-) So one of the girls and myself grab a cab and make our way back to Wall Street. As we are on the FDR Jessica* says come here Rinna and grabs me and shoves her tongue down my throat, talking about "Give me those phuking gorgeous lips". All the while pulling out my tits and sucking on my nipples. I said phuk it, lets do this shit. The cabbie was looking at us in the rearview so I decided to give him a show. I slowly started nibbling on her neck and then made my way down to her snatch. I phelt the cab swerve and I told him, watch it man, we wanna get home safe so we can phuk. He almost lost control AGAIN! LOL


When we get upstairs she was like Riiiiiiiiiina!!!!!!!! Drags me into the room and tells me to "Eat the phuk outta my snatch!" She tears my clothes off and proceeds to suck on my nipples so hard I had to tell her to slow down, it was hurting! She had a nice smelling vag, which btw is very phuking important ladies. The only problem I had with it was she had some hair on her vagine. I CAN'T STAND HAIR ON A SNATCH. Just a word to you ladies out there hoping to pheel the lips and tongue of La Reina darting in between your lips. You better make sure you have a nice clean shaved pussy.


I sucked on her nice titties and slowly moved my hands over her body down to her pearl, which was already engorged and ready phor me to plunder. I flicked the clit and loved watching her phace as she moaned in ecstasy. So I decided to put my phace to her lips and suck. My tongue darted in and out of her pussy and she writhed on the bed like a woman possessed. All of a sudden she grabs me and throws me under her and starts eating my pussy as if it was her last meal and she wanted to gobble up everything I had to offer. She had great phorm but since she was SOOOOOOOOO drunk her execution was off. LOL


I ended up phlipping her over and taking control of the situation. I was phinger phuking her all the while lapping her juices up and she kept saying "Phuk me Mami, Phuk me Mami!" So I got into position and kept my phingers in her as I was on top of her. I could pheel her walls tightening up on me and knew she was close. "Cum phor me Jessica, Cum phor me." I kept telling her. All of a sudden I phelt her pussy tighten up on my phingers and she clawed at my back like a wild woman. The phloodgates opened and before I knew it the bed was soaked. I was like "Hell yeah!" I even did a Tiger Woods fist pump. HA!


We phell asleep in each others arms and when we awoke it was snowing so heavily I almost didn't make it back to New Jersey. I certainly hope that this phirst of a series of stories has tided you over phor now. ;-)


Have a great day the Starrphuk way;)!
La Reina